Chapter One

“I Have Been Defeated, and Own My Defeat”: Exploring the Dignity of the Ministry Call

Section 1: Gregory Addresses His Flight from Ministry

Gregory has yielded to the Lord’s calling and accepted his ministry post. His acceptance of the pastoral office is an act of submission and obedience to the Lord. He plans to explain his initial flight from ministry, knowing that people will interpret his actions differently.

1. I have been defeated, and own my defeat. I subjected myself to the Lord, and prayed unto Him. Let the most blessed David supply my exordium, or rather let Him Who spoke in David, and even now yet speaks through him. For indeed the very best order of beginning every speech and action, is to begin from God, and to end in God. As to the cause, either of my original revolt and cowardice, in which I got me away far off, and remained away from you for a time, which perhaps seemed long to those who missed me; or of the present gentleness and change of mind, in which I have given myself up again to you, men may think and speak in different ways, according to the hatred or love they bear me, on the one side refusing to acquit me of the charges alleged, on the other giving me a hearty welcome. For nothing is so pleasant to men as talking of other people’s business, especially under the influence of affection or hatred, which often almost entirely blinds us to the truth. I will, however, myself, unabashed, set forth the truth, and arbitrate with justice between the two parties, which accuse or gallantly defend us, by, on the one side, accusing myself, on the other, undertaking my own defense.

Section 2: Leaders Have Great Effect on the Community

Gregory realizes the influence a leader on the wider church. He expresses his intention to explain his flight from the ministry office so as to remove any hindrance, stumbling block, or confusion that may have affected other believers.

2. Accordingly, that my speech may proceed in due order, I apply myself to the question which arose first, that of cowardice. For I cannot endure that any of those who watch with interest the success, or the contrary, of my efforts, should be put to confusion on my account, since it has pleased God that our affairs should be of some consequence to Christians, so I will by my defense relieve, if there be any such, those who have already suffered; for it is well, as far as possible, and as reason allows, to shrink from causing, through our sin or suspicion, any offense or stumbling-block to the community: inasmuch as we know how inevitably even those who offend one of the little ones will incur the severest punishment at the hands of Him who cannot lie.

Section 3: God Knit the Church Together in Unity

God appointed people to various roles within the church. Some are leaders who oversee the flock through teaching and their exemplary character. Others submit to the leaders as members of the body. God knit the church together both leaders and members—so that the body would be unified and mature.

3. For my present position is due, my good people, not to inexperience and ignorance, nay indeed, that I may boast myself a little, neither is it due to contempt for the divine laws and ordinances. Now, just as in the body there is one member which rules and, so to say, presides, while another is ruled over and subject; so too in the churches, God has ordained, according either to a law of equality, which admits of an order of merit, or to one of providence, by which He has knit all together, that those for whom such treatment is beneficial, should be subject to pastoral care and rule, and be guided by word and deed in the path of duty; while others should be pastors and teachers, for the perfecting of the church, those, I mean, who surpass the majority in virtue and nearness to God, performing the functions of the soul in the body, and of the intellect in the soul; in order that both may be so united and compacted together, that, although one is lacking and another is pre-eminent, they may, like the members of our bodies, be so combined and knit together by the harmony of the Spirit, as to form one perfect body, really worthy of Christ Himself, our Head.

Section 4: The Church Needs Leaders to Be Mature

For the church to grow in holiness—cultivation of godliness and repentance from sin—she needs leadership. It is wrong for all to wish to rule. It is also wrong for none to accept the call. Some must accept the call to ministry so the church can reach her “fair fulness”—righteous character, community order, and pure worship.

4. I am aware then that anarchy and disorder cannot be more advantageous than order and rule, either to other creatures or to men; nay, this is true of men in the highest possible degree, because the interests at stake in their case are greater; since it is a great thing for them, even if they fail of their highest purpose—to be free from sin—to attain at least to that which is second best, restoration from sin. Since this seems right and just, it is, I take it, equally wrong and disorderly that all should wish to rule, and that no one should accept it. For if all men were to shirk this office, whether it must be called a ministry or a leadership, the fair fulness of the Church would be halting in the highest degree, and in fact cease to be fair. And further, where, and by whom would God be worshipped among us in those mystic and elevating rites which are our greatest and most precious privilege, if there were neither king, nor governor, nor priesthood, nor sacrifice, nor all those highest offices to the loss of which, for their great sins, men were of old condemned in consequence of their disobedience?

Section 5: Study of Divine Things Often Makes Leaders

It is natural for those who have studied divine things to advance to positions of spiritual leadership—like a sailor becoming a watchman, a watchman becoming a helmsman, a brave soldier becoming a captain, a captain becoming a general.

5. Nor indeed is it strange or inconsistent for the majority of those who are devoted to the study of divine things, to ascend to rule from being ruled, nor does it overstep the limits laid down by philosophy, or involve disgrace; any more than for an excellent sailor to become a lookout-man, and for a lookout-man, who has successfully kept watch over the winds, to be entrusted with the helm; or, if you will, for a brave soldier to be made a captain, and a good captain to become a general, and have committed to him the conduct of the whole campaign. Nor again, as perhaps some of those absurd and tiresome people may suppose, who judge of others’ feelings by their own, was I ashamed of the rank of this grade from my desire for a higher. I was not so ignorant either of its divine greatness or human low estate, as to think it no great thing for a created nature, to approach in however slight degree to God, Who alone is most glorious and illustrious, and surpasses in purity every nature, material and immaterial alike.

Section 6: A Call From Retirement to Responsibility

Gregory experienced his call to ministry as a sudden, unexpected jolt that would tear him away from a quiet life of retirement and contemplation—“the holy sanctuary”—and thrust him into the turmoil of ministry.

6. What then were my feelings, and what was the reason of my disobedience? For to most men I did not at the time seem consistent with myself, or to be such as they had known me, but to have undergone some deterioration, and to exhibit greater resistance and self-will than was right. And the causes of this you have long been desirous to hear. First, and most important, I was astounded at the unexpectedness of what had occurred, as people are terrified by sudden noises; and, losing the control of my reasoning faculties, my self-respect, which had hitherto controlled me, gave way. In the next place, there came over me an eager longing for the blessings of calm and retirement, of which I had from the first been enamored to a higher degree, I imagine, than any other student of letters, and which amidst the greatest and most threatening dangers I had promised to God, and of which I had also had so much experience, that I was then upon its threshold, my longing having in consequence been greatly kindled, so that I could not submit to be thrust into the midst of a life of turmoil by an arbitrary act of oppression, and to be torn away by force from the holy sanctuary of such a life as this.

Section 7: The Appeal of a Life of Spiritual Solitude

The life of solitude and contemplation is appealing. To withdraw from earthly things and “to live superior to visible things” involves deep communion with God. In such a life of contemplative spirituality, a person is able to grow in purity, detach from the world, reflect divine things, and enjoy future eternal realities of the world to come in the present. Gregory acknowledges that many reject this notion and consider it nonsense.

7. For nothing seemed to me so desirable as to close the doors of my senses, and, escaping from the flesh and the world, collected within myself, having no further connection than was absolutely necessary with human affairs, and speaking to myself and to God to live superior to visible things, ever preserving in myself the divine impressions pure and unmixed with the erring tokens of this lower world, and both being, and constantly growing more and more to be, a real unspotted mirror of God and divine things, as light is added to light, and what was still dark grew clearer, enjoying already by hope the blessings of the world to come, roaming about with the angels, even now being above the earth by having forsaken it, and stationed on high by the Spirit. If any of you has been possessed by this longing, he knows what I mean and will sympathize with my feelings at that time. For, perhaps, I ought not to expect to persuade most people by what I say, since they are unhappily disposed to laugh at such things, either from their own thoughtlessness, or from the influence of men unworthy of the promise, who have bestowed upon that which is good an evil name, calling philosophy nonsense, aided by envy and the evil tendencies of the mob, who are ever inclined to grow worse: so that they are constantly occupied with one of two sins, either the commission of evil, or the discrediting of good.

Section 8: An Abundance of Unworthy Ministers

Many inappropriately enter the ministry even though they do not have requisite character for the work. They “intrude into the most sacred offices” and “push and thrust around the holy table.” These unfit ministers are wrongly motivated, seeking financial gain and spiritual authority. Gregory speaks of his own reluctance to accept his call to ministry so as not to contribute to this superabundance of unsuitable ministers.

8. I was influenced besides by another feeling, whether base or noble I do not know, but I will speak out to you all my secrets. I was ashamed of all those others, who, without being better than ordinary people, nay, it is a great thing if they be not worse, with unwashen hands, as the saying runs, and uninitiated souls, intrude into the most sacred offices; and, before becoming worthy to approach the temples, they lay claim to the sanctuary, and they push and thrust around the holy table, as if they thought this order to be a means of livelihood, instead of a pattern of virtue, or an absolute authority, instead of a ministry of which we must give account. In fact they are almost more in number than those whom they govern; pitiable as regards piety, and unfortunate in their dignity; so that, it seems to me, they will not, as time and this evil alike progress, have any one left to rule, when all are teachers, instead of, as the promise says, taught of God, and all prophesy, so that even “Saul is among the prophets,” according to the ancient history and proverb. For at no time, either now or in former days, amid the rise and fall of various developments, has there ever been such an abundance, as now exists among Christians, of disgrace and abuses of this kind. And, if to stay this current is beyond our powers, at any rate it is not the least important duty of religion to testify the hatred and shame we feel for it.

Section 9: Moral Formation as Shepherding Work

Gregory sees himself as unfit to be a leader who shepherds God’s flock—“to have authority over the souls of men.” A normal shepherd enjoys the comfort and calm life most of the time, uses the sheep for his own banquets or income, and is not concerned about the moral formation of the sheep. But a minister must seek the virtue and spiritual maturity of the flock—nourishing, guiding, rejuvenating, calling, correcting, wooing, and defending—considering their spiritual good more important than his own personal pleasure.

9. Lastly, there is a matter more serious than any which I have mentioned, for I am now coming to the finale of the question: and I will not deceive you; for that would not be lawful in regard to topics of such moment. I did not, nor do I now, think myself qualified to rule a flock or herd, or to have authority over the souls of men. For in their case it is sufficient to render the herd or flock as stout and fat as possible; and with this object the neatherd and shepherd will look for well watered and rich pastures, and will drive his charge from pasture to pasture, and allow them to rest, or arouse, or recall them, sometimes with his staff, most often with his pipe; and with the exception of occasional struggles with wolves, or attention to the sickly, most of his time will be devoted to the oak and the shade and his pipes, while he reclines on the beautiful grass, and beside the cool water, and shakes down his couch in a breezy spot, and ever and anon sings a love ditty, with his cup by his side, and talks to his bullocks or his flock, the fattest of which supply his banquets or his pay. But no one ever has thought of the virtue of flocks or herds; for indeed of what virtue are they capable? Or who has regarded their advantage as more important than his own pleasure?

Reflection Questions