Chapter Six

“Set in the Midst Betwixt Two Fears”: Accepting God’s Call With Humility and Duty

Section 102: Mutual Affection Brought Gregory Back

Gregory summarizes that the previous account has been a defense of why he fled his ministry call. He knows it caused himself and the people pain, but he felt the need—“with irresistible force”—to not accept this post of spiritual leadership. The mutual love between himself and the people caused him to return.

102. Such is the defense which I have been able to make, perhaps at immoderate length, for my flight. Such are the reasons which, to my pain and possibly to yours, carried me away from you, my friends and brothers; yet, as it seemed to me at the time, with irresistible force. My longing after you, and the sense of your longing for me, have, more than anything else, led to my return, for nothing inclines us so strongly to love as mutual affection.

Section 103: Conquered and Submissive to the Ministry Call

Gregory explains that the care of his elderly parents motivated delay his entrance into the priesthood. Like a spiritual Abraham and Sarah, his parents labored for his faith in Christ—his “spiritual birth”—and he pledged to be their caretakers in their old age. He even sought the care of his parents at the expense of his calling to philosophy. He eventually submitted to his call, knowing that it is better to be conquered by God’s will than to defy God’s law in brazen rejection.

103. In the next place there was my care, my duty, the hoar hairs and weakness of my holy parents, who were more greatly distressed on my account than by their advanced age—of this Patriarch Abraham whose person is honored by me, and numbered among the angels, and of Sarah, who travailed in my spiritual birth by instructing me in the truth. Now, I had specially pledged myself to become the stay of their old age and the support of their weakness, a pledge which, to the best of my power, I have fulfilled, even at the expense of philosophy itself, the most precious of possessions and titles to me; or, to speak more truly, although I made it the first object of my philosophy to appear to be no philosopher, I could not bear that my labor in consequence of a single purpose should be wasted, nor yet that blessing should be lost, which one of the saints of old is said to have stolen from his father, whom he deceived by the food which he offered to him, and the hairy appearance he assumed, thus attaining a good object by disgraceful trickery. These are the two causes of my submission and tractability. Nor is it, perchance, unreasonable that my arguments should yield and submit to them both, for there is a time to be conquered, as I also think there is for every purpose, and it is better to be honorably overcome than to win a dangerous and lawless victory.

Section 104: Appealing to Scripture for Present Conduct

Gregory gives a third reason for his behavior. He appealed to the Scripture—“the ancient histories”—as a guide for his actions. The Bible is not a mere collection of words that records historical events. It is also not fictions and legends like Greek mythology. It is a truthful guide for our present conduct.

104. There is a third reason of the highest importance which I will further mention, and then dismiss the rest. I remembered the days of old, and, recurring to one of the ancient histories, drew counsel for myself therefrom as to my present conduct; for let us not suppose these events to have been recorded without a purpose, nor that they are a mere assemblage of words and deeds gathered together for the pastime of those who listen to them, as a kind of bait for the ears, for the sole purpose of giving pleasure. Let us leave such jesting to the legends and the Greeks, who think but little of the truth, and enchant ear and mind by the charm of their fictions and the daintiness of their style.

Section 105: Scriptural Examples as Warnings and Models

The Scripture is accurate even in its smallest details. None of these details has been haphazardly recorded. On the contrary, in every detail of Scripture is reliable truth to guide God’s people in similar circumstances. God’s word records examples of the past that serve as trustworthy guides for the present. These examples are both cautionary warnings and models worthy of emulation.

105. We however, who extend the accuracy of the Spirit to the merest stroke and tittle, will never admit the impious assertion that even the smallest matters were dealt with haphazard by those who have recorded them, and have thus been borne in mind down to the present day: on the contrary, their purpose has been to supply memorials and instructions for our consideration under similar circumstances, should such befall us, and that the examples of the past might serve as rules and models, for our warning and imitation.

Section 106: Jonah Was Zealous for Truth and Fled God’s Call

Jonah fled from God’s call on his life, but was eventually overtaken by the stormy sea and belly of the fish. These events were according to God’s sovereign design. It might be supposed that Jonah evaded God’s call to announce judgment on Nineveh because he feared being an instrument of falsehood. If the city repented and was spared, he might be charged as a false prophet. So, Jonah fled because he honored the sacred position of prophet and had a zeal for truth. Many cannot understand the depths of God’s perfect plan working itself out.

106. What then is the story, and wherein lies its application? For, perhaps, it would not be amiss to relate it, for the general security. Jonah also was fleeing from the face of God, or rather, thought that he was fleeing: but he was overtaken by the sea, and the storm, and the lot, and the whale’s belly, and the three days’ entombment, the type of a greater mystery. He fled from having to announce the dread and awful message to the Ninevites, and from being subsequently, if the city was saved by repentance, convicted of falsehood: not that he was displeased at the salvation of the wicked, but he was ashamed of being made an instrument of falsehood, and exceedingly zealous for the credit of prophecy, which was in danger of being destroyed in his person, since most men are unable to penetrate the depth of the Divine dispensation in such cases.

Section 107: Jonah Was Not Completely Unaware of God’s Plan

As a prophet, Jonah would not have been completely unaware of God’s plan. Nor would he have thought he could escape God. Instead, he should have known that the announcement of God’s judgment can bring about their salvation and escape of destruction. This is how God’s great wisdom and plans work. They are beyond human understanding. It is not sensible to think Jonah fled to hide from God. This is not how a prophet or reasonable man would act.

107. But, as I have learned from a man skilled in these subjects, and able to grasp the depth of the prophet, by means of a reasonable explanation of what seems unreasonable in the history, it was not this which caused Jonah to flee, and carried him to Joppa and again from Joppa to Tarshish, when he entrusted his stolen self to the sea: for it was not likely that such a prophet should be ignorant of the design of God, viz., to bring about, by means of the threat, the escape of the Ninevites from the threatened doom, according to His great wisdom, and unsearchable judgments, and according to His ways which are beyond our tracing and finding out; nor that, if he knew this he would refuse to co-operate with God in the use of the means which He designed for their salvation. Besides, to imagine that Jonah hoped to hide himself at sea, and escape by his flight the great eye of God, is surely utterly absurd and stupid, and unworthy of credit, not only in the case of a prophet, but even in the case of any sensible man, who has only a slight perception of God, Whose power is over all.

Section 108: No One Can Escape God

Jonah knew God’s plan for the Ninevites. He could not escape God. No one can escape God. No one is stronger, wiser, stronger, loftier, or more powerful than God.

108. On the contrary, as my instructor said, and as I am myself convinced, Jonah knew better than any one the purpose of his message to the Ninevites, and that, in planning his flight, although he changed his place, he did not escape from God. Nor is this possible for any one else, either by concealing himself in the bosom of the earth, or in the depths of the sea, or by soaring on wings, if there be any means of doing so, and rising into the air, or by abiding in the lowest depths of hell, or by enveloping himself in a thick cloud, or by any other of the many devices for ensuring escape. For God alone of all things cannot be escaped from or contended with; if He wills to seize and bring them under His hand, He outstrips the swift, He outwits the wise, He overthrows the strong, He abases the lofty, He subdues rashness, He represses power.

Section 109: Delay in Preaching Because of Sorrow

Jonah was not ignorant of God’s powerful hand, and he knew that he could not escape God. Jonah saw Israel’s infidelity and discerned the grace on the Ninevites. Therefore, he delayed in his preaching for a time of sorrow and lament. He felt this sorrow on the stormy seas, and eventually was delivered by God. His experienced prefigured Christ.

109. Jonah then was not ignorant of the mighty hand of God, with which he threatened other men, nor did he imagine that he could utterly escape the Divine power; this we are not to believe: but when he saw the falling away of Israel, and perceived the passing over of the grace of prophecy to the Gentiles—this was the cause of his retirement from preaching and of his delay in fulfilling the command; accordingly he left the watchtower of joy, for this is the meaning of Joppa in Hebrew, I mean his former dignity and reputation, and flung himself into the deep of sorrow: and hence he is tempest-tossed, and falls asleep, and is wrecked, and aroused from sleep, and taken by lot, and confesses his flight, and is cast into sea, and swallowed, but not destroyed, by the whale; but there he calls upon God, and, marvelous as it is, on the third day he, like Christ, is delivered: but my treatment of this topic must stand over, and shall shortly, if God permit, be more deliberately worked out.

Section 110: Accepting a Divine Call Laid Upon Me

Eventually, Jonah preached to the Ninevites. Similarly, Gregory ultimately accepted his post in the priesthood. He could not indefinitely resist a divine call on his life.

110. Now however, to return to my original point, the thought and question occurred to me, that although he might possibly meet with some indulgence, if reluctant to prophesy, for the cause which I mentioned—yet, in my own case, what could be said, what defense could be made, if I longer remained restive, and rejected the yoke of ministry, which, though I know not whether to call it light or heavy, had at any rate been laid upon me.

Section 111: Accepting God’s Call as an Act of Obedience

Gregory asserts that he is unworthy of the priest’s office. One must gain worthiness of the church, then worthiness of the sanctuary, then worthiness of the presidency. Nevertheless, to not accept the priesthood when God lays a call on one’s life is an act of disobedience, like Saul hiding from his appointment as king. Judgment awaits disobedience to God’s call.

111. For if it be granted, and this alone can be strongly asserted in such matters, that we are far too low to perform the priest’s office before God, and that we can only be worthy of the sanctuary after we have become worthy of the Church, and worthy of the post of president, after being worthy of the sanctuary, yet some one else may perhaps refuse to acquit us on the charge of disobedience. Now terrible are the threatenings against disobedience, and terrible are the penalties which ensue upon it; as indeed are those on the other side, if, instead of being reluctant, and shrinking back, and concealing ourselves as Saul did among his father’s stuff—although called to rule but for a short time—if, I say, we come forward readily, as though to a slight and most easy task, whereas it is not safe even to resign it, nor to amend by second thoughts our first.

Section 112: Caught in Between Two Fears

Gregory labored in thought about his duty. He felt set in between two fears accepting a position of spiritual leadership he was unworthy of and resisting a divine call that was on his life. The former fear caused him hesitation. The latter fear caused him to accept the spiritual duty and responsibility. In terms of spiritual leadership, we must not be too bold or too timid.

112. On this account I had much toilsome consideration to discover my duty, being set in the midst betwixt two fears, of which the one held me back, the other urged me on. For a long while I was at a loss between them, and after wavering from side to side, and, like a current driven by inconstant winds, inclining first in this direction, then in that, I at last yielded to the stronger, and the fear of disobedience overcame me, and has carried me off. Pray, mark how accurately and justly I hold the balance between the fears, neither desiring an office not given to me, nor rejecting it when given. The one course marks the rash, the other the disobedient, both the undisciplined. My position lies between those who are too bold, or too timid; more timid than those who rush at every position, more bold than those who avoid them all. This is my judgment on the matter.

Section 113: Embracing Ministry as a Call to Obedience

Even though we approach the priesthood with fear of its great duty, we are balanced by the scriptural call to obedience. The fear of disobedience should overshadow our fear of the sacred work.

113. Moreover, to distinguish still more clearly between them, we have, against the fear of office, a possible help in the law of obedience, inasmuch as God in His goodness rewards our faith, and makes a perfect ruler of the man who has confidence in Him, and places all his hopes in Him; but against the danger of disobedience I know of nothing which can help us, and of no ground to encourage our confidence. For it is to be feared that we shall have to hear these words concerning those who have been entrusted to us: I will require their souls at your hands; and, Because ye have rejected me, and not been leaders and rulers of my people, I also will reject you, that I should not be king over you; and, As ye refused to hearken to My voice, and turned a stubborn back, and were disobedient, so shall it be when ye call upon Me, and I will not regard nor give ear to your prayer. God forbid that these words should come to us from the just Judge, for when we sing of His mercy we must also by all means sing of His judgment.

Section 114: Neither the Hesitant Nor the Eager Were Blamed

History proves the point that spiritual leaders in the past—ruler or prophet accepted their call as an act of obedience. Some complied with the call readily. Others hesitated. Neither the eager or reluctant were blamed. Those who readily accepted the call did so because they honored the greatness of the work. Those who hesitated did so because they trusted and obeyed God’s call.

114. I resort once again to history, and on considering the men of best repute in ancient days, who were ever preferred by grace to the office of ruler or prophet, I discover that some readily complied with the call, others deprecated the gift, and that neither those who drew back were blamed for timidity, nor those who came forward for eagerness. The former stood in awe of the greatness of the ministry, the latter trustfully obeyed Him Who called them. Aaron was eager, but Moses resisted, Isaiah readily submitted, but Jeremiah was afraid of his youth, and did not venture to prophesy until he had received from God a promise and power beyond his years.

Section 115: Accepting the Ministry Call in Humble Submission

Biblical truths and examples helped Gregory in his own call. He had fully entrusted himself to God and the Scripture was his only reliable guide. In the end, he was not rebellious, but he accepted God’s call on his life and entered the ministry. This was an act of humility—yielding to God’s hand on his life, receiving God’s mercy and forgiveness. He only withdrew for a short time, but now is accepting his ministry post.

115. By these arguments I charmed myself, and by degrees my soul relaxed and became ductile, like iron, and time came to the aid of my arguments, and the testimonies of God, to which I had entrusted my whole life, were my counsellors. Therefore I was not rebellious, neither turned away back, saith my Lord, when, instead of being called to rule, He was led, as a sheep to the slaughter; but I fell down and humbled myself under the mighty hand of God, and asked pardon for my former idleness and disobedience, if this is at all laid to my charge. I held my peace, but I will not hold my peace for ever: I withdrew for a little while, till I had considered myself and consoled my grief: but now I am commissioned to exalt Him in the congregation of the people, and praise Him in the seat of the elders. If my former conduct deserved blame, my present action merits pardon.

Section 116: Utterly Vanquished and Subject To Christ

Regardless of his defense, the fact is that Gregory is present accepting his pastoral vocation. He presents himself to the church and God—a vanquished subject yielding to Christ’s command. He asks for their blessing because of his obedience to Christ and expresses his desire that God’s people become established in the faith.

116. What further need is there of words. Here am I, my pastors and fellow-pastors, here am I, thou holy flock, worthy of Christ, the Chief Shepherd, here am I, my father, utterly vanquished, and your subject according to the laws of Christ rather than according to those of the land: here is my obedience, reward it with your blessing. Lead me with your prayers, guide me with your words, establish me with your spirit. The blessing of the father establishes the houses of children, and would that both I and this spiritual house may be established, the house which I have longed for, which I pray may be my rest for ever, when I have been passed on from the church here to the church yonder, the general assembly of the firstborn, who are written in heaven.

Section 117: Ministry by God’s Strength and Power

Gregory offers a benediction. He acknowledges that God brought them together. He asks for God’s help in his ministry work. God is the great caretaker of the church and of his leaders—“a Shepherd to shepherds and a Guide to guides.”

117. Such is my defense: its reasonableness I have set forth: and may the God of peace, Who made both one, and has restored us to each other, Who sets kings upon thrones, and raises up the poor out of the dust and lifts up the beggar from the dunghill, Who chose David His servant and took him away from the sheepfolds, though he was the least and youngest of the sons of Jesse, Who gave the word to those who preach the gospel with great power for the perfection of the gospel,—may He Himself hold me by my right hand, and guide me with His counsel, and receive me with glory, Who is a Shepherd to shepherds and a Guide to guides: that we may feed His flock with knowledge, not with the instruments of a foolish shepherd, according to the blessing, and not according to the curse pronounced against the men of former days: may He give strength and power unto his people, and Himself present to Himself His flock resplendent and spotless and worthy of the fold on high, in the habitation of them that rejoice, in the splendor of the saints, so that in His temple everyone, both flock and shepherds together may say, Glory, in Christ Jesus our Lord, to Whom be all glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Reflection Questions