Session 4: The Bond

Session Overview

Creedal Statement

We prize the family as a bedrock of faith formation,
we cherish marriage as a most holy and most sacred union,
we value parents as frontline shepherds to disciple their children,
we treasure friends as our own souls,
we engage society as godly citizens with redemptive purpose, and
we embrace our lifework with a God-centered focus.

We confess the church as Christ’s family, a family called to:
treat other members with genuine care,
steward our possessions for the common good,
honor appointed leaders and participate in Christ’s worldwide body,
engage the domains of the world with the truth of the gospel, and
represent Christ to all those who are far and near.

Key Elements

• Key Passage - 1 Samuel 18:1–20:42
• Scripture Memory - A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
• Catechism - Q: How can people enjoy a bond of mutual care? A: Friendship

Introduction

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

True friendship can harbour no suspicion; a friend must speak to his friend as freely as to his second self. Jerome quoted in Augustine, Letter 72

While married couples enjoy an intimate bond as committed lovers, and parents express self-denying and sacrificial love in raising children, true friends experience deep camaraderie and faithful allegiance as loyal companions. Friends mint their relationship in mutual trust and reciprocal care. In the safety of a committed relationship galvanized by genuine concern, friends share a unifying bond that puts the needs of the other first. Such selfless, others-oriented friendship is experienced with a knitting together of souls, as in the unique and affectionate bond of brotherhood or sisterhood. A heart-to-heart companionship shielded by fidelity, true friendship of this kind is a profound reality, a rich treasure, and a gracious gift from God.

Unfortunately, many people go through life without realizing the blessing of genuine friendship. People often possess relationships with casual acquaintances, informal associates, or vocational colleagues, but rarely do these associations reach beyond mere cordiality to the depth of a brother or sister. Superficial relationships abound. Sadly, even the most trusted relationships people enjoy—those people would say are their “best friends”—are fraught with all manner of interpersonal dysfunction. Human limitations and human sinfulness make deep friendship a challenge. Yet, just as Christians form families and parent children in God’s strength, so believers should approach friendship with God’s gracious help. Specifically, the good news of the gospel proclaims that, in Christ, barriers between humans have been torn down, just like the barrier between God and humanity has been removed. Christian hope claims that through Christ, deep and abiding friendship is possible. Not only is genuine friendship possible, but God has also planned for deep relationships—brotherly and sisterly companions—to play a major role in our faith formation. Consequently, we turn to Scripture to learn a distinctively Christian approach to friendship.

We are not stranded, left alone to figure out the dynamics of spiritual friendship. God has provided inspired guidance on this topic in Scripture. In 1 Samuel 17:55–20:42, we witness the deep relationship between Jonathan and David. In this true story, we see the strong bond, genuine affection, and faithful commitment between these loyal friends. In contrast to the blessed friendship between Jonathan and David, King Saul’s negative example of hostility and hatred alerts us to dynamics that are ruinous to godly friendships. We see true friendship put into action when Jonathan (and then Michal and Samuel) came to David’s defense. Although Saul continued his murderous rampage against David, Jonathan displayed his commitment to his friend David by putting his own life in harm’s way in order to spare the life and honor of his friend. Although David’s escape from Saul meant that Jonathan and David would be separated, the fact that their relationship was built around the Lord meant they could maintain their relationship across distance and that it would impact future generations.

The fascinating story of Jonathan and David is more than an entertaining narrative. It tells about God’s covenantal dealings with his people, and also unveils a picture of true friendship. Too infrequently do such friends exist in the world. Nevertheless, the deep bond of companionship, camaraderie, and fraternity can be enjoyed. In fact, it should be something we desire and pursue. As much as unhealthy relationships can impair our progress in the faith, the support of godly friends—brothers and sisters in the Lord—builds our spiritual maturity. This story teaches us about the kind of friends that we should look for and the kind of friends we should strive to become. Often, our ability to become a godly friend to others (even if it is not immediately reciprocated) will enable a genuine friendship to blossom. This biblical study urges us to cultivate “soul companions” in the Lord. As we attend to this most important (and relevant) topic, may we allow the biblical narrative to shape our relationships in the ways of Christ.

Biblical Interpretation: Hearing the Word

Study the Text: The Bible is God’s inspired word to his people. Christian disciples mature in the faith when they are grounded in God’s word. In this movement, you will study the basic details of the biblical text.

Observation Questions

Read (or listen to) the whole passage of Scripture. Discuss the questions below for each section of the story. Pay attention to the details of the text to recall what the passage is saying. Use the focus verses to guide your conversation.

Storycraft

Retell the story in your own words, recounting the overall flow of the narrative, the main segments of the story, and the major developments that take place.

Narrative Elements

Story Retell

Theological Dialogue: Discussing the Plot

Explore the Text: God’s word is his trustworthy and sufficient revelation to his people. We grow as Christ’s disciples by rooting our lives in God’s unchanging truth. In this movement, you will explore vital teachings of this biblical passage.

Discussion Questions

Summarize the biblical story. As a community, discuss the following questions. Be attentive to the truths taught in this text. Use the commentary on the next pages to uncover core principles this passage teaches about the Christian faith.

Biblical Commentary

Use this commentary to help you understand the meaning of the text. Refer to the infographic on the next page to think through how narratives work.

Passage Introduction

Key Idea

One of God’s gracious gifts is friendship: the melding of hearts together in support, camaraderie, encouragement, and edification.

Passage Overview

Godly friendship is a blessing from God. As we see in the story of Jonathan and David, loyal companionship is experienced with the deep bond of a loving, committed, and selfless relationship. Taking our caution from King Saul, we should root out anger, jealousy, fear, and animosity from our hearts. As exemplified by Jonathan (as well as Michal and Samuel), true friends become faithful advocates of their companions. Speaking the truth in love, godly friends express their commitment in selfless sacrifice. Above all, our friendship will only be as strong as our relationship with the Lord. Jonathan and David put these rich principles of healthy relationships on display. We serve the Christian community, God’s global mission, and our own spiritual maturity as we build foundations for godly friendship. As you read the following exposition, let God’s word give you a sanctified imagination for the deep and enduring bond of spiritual friendship.

Passage Outline

Bonds of True Friendship

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

True friendship can only be made between true men. Hearts are the soul of honor. There can be no lasting friendship between bad men. Bad men may pretend to love each other, but their friendship is a rope of sand, which shall be broken at any convenient season; but if a man have a sincere heart within him, and be true and noble, then we may confide in him.

Introduction

God desires believers to traverse the Christian life with trusted, caring, and godly friends. The blessing of godly friendship is one of God’s great gifts to his people. True friends support each other in the face of life’s challenges, correct each other when temptations arise, care for each other in the midst of personal suffering, and encourage each other toward Christian maturity. The test of a true friend is loyalty, affection, and commitment regardless of the circumstances. Relationships that only exist during seasons of ease have not yet reached the level of trusted friendship. The crucible of affliction often tests and fortifies the bond between true friends, making them soul companions in the spiritual life.

Without friends, life would not only be a lonely pilgrimage, but our maturity in the faith would also be greatly stymied. For our blessing, joy, and maturity, God commends to us godly friendship, a spiritual brotherhood and sisterhood formed by common faith in God. In 1 Samuel 17:55–20:42, we witness two friends navigate challenging circumstances in ancient Israel. During these tumultuous times, Jonathan (son of King Saul) and David (Israel’s newly anointed king) forged a unique and lasting relationship that instructs us today. After David’s victorious defeat of the Philistine giant, Goliath, Jonathan expressed a deep bond, brotherly affection, and committed loyalty to David. Falling prey to his own insecurities, Saul allowed anger, jealousy, and fear to cause him to repeatedly attack David with murderous intent. This episode cautions us about the destructive habits of unhealthy relationships. In contrast to his father, Jonathan advocated for David, showing the deep level of his commitment to David. This was followed by displays of loyalty by Michal and Samuel, who also provided protection for David. Jonathan and David eventually developed a plan to discern Saul’s real intent toward David. In a display of sacrificial friendship, Jonathan selflessly put himself in harm’s way to care for David. When Jonathan and David eventually had to part ways, they expressed the enduring nature of their friendship built upon a relationship with God.

The well-known story of Jonathan and David is a specimen of godly friendship. Not perfect or without its severe challenges, their friendship was an edifying and encouraging display of mutual care and faithful companionship. Like David and Jonathan, we should not view friendship as a luxury or amenity to life. To grow in our faith, we should pursue God-honoring relationships with friends as a necessity. Although we may be blessed with such relationships already, the story at hand will help us evaluate our relationships to see how well they are fashioned after God’s design. Further, the biblical narrative of Jonathan and David should cause us to inspect our own lives to see what kind of friends we are to others. One great gift we can offer to others is an invitation to caring and faithful companionship. With all this in mind, we turn to consider Jonathan and David as an ancient example of friendship that has much to show us in the contemporary world.

As His Own Soul: Discovering the Deep Bond of Loving Friendship

Biblical Narrative (1 Samuel 17:55–18:5)

Already anointed Israel’s next king (cf. 16:1–13) and having been initially enlisted into Saul’s service (cf. 16:14–23), young David won the momentous defeat of the Philistine giant Goliath (cf. 17:1–54). When David went out to fight Goliath, Saul asked Abner, the commander of his army, about the family David came from (17:55). Abner did not know (17:55), and Saul told him to ask David who his father was (17:56). After David came back from defeating Goliath, Abner brought David, holding Goliath’s head in his hand, before Saul (17:57). King Saul asked David who his father was, and David told Saul that he was the son of Jesse (17:58).

David’s success over Goliath was of great consequence. King Saul knew this, and as a result, he would not let David return home but took him for his kingdom purposes (18:2). Wherever Saul sent David, he went and had success (18:5). In fact, Saul set David over his soldiers, and the people and servants thought this to be a good idea (18:5). Equally significant was the bond that Saul’s son, Jonathan, formed with David at this time. After David spoke with Saul, “the souls of Jonathan and David were knit together” (18:1). The bond of their relationship became so deep that “Jonathan loved [David] as himself” (18:1). In a display of deep friendship and earnest loyalty, “Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself” (18:3). To show this commitment to David, Jonathan gave David his robe, armor, sword, bow, and belt (18:4). While Saul conscripted David into his service and promoted him to a position of military authority, Jonathan formed a deep attachment and personal bond with David in a loving and sincere friendship.

Biblical Principles

Deep Bonds of Friendship. Friendship is a deep bond between two humans that refuses to use the other in an instrumental manner. The formal and functional relationship between Saul and David was vastly different from the loving and self-giving friendship between Jonathan and David. While Saul’s actions toward David suggest an authoritative and directive relationship—“kept David” (18:2), “did not let him” (18:2), “sent him” (18:5), and “set him over” (18:5)—Jonathan’s interpersonal connection with David was one of camaraderie and companionship—“knit together” (18:1), “loved him” (18:1; cf. 18:3), “made a covenant” (18:3), and “removed the robe … gave it to David” (18:4). Saul kept David near him; Jonathan’s soul was knit to David’s. Saul moved David around to secure his own personal and regal agenda; Jonathan loved David as he loved his own soul and sought David’s best interest. Saul restricted David’s movements for his self-advantage; Jonathan bound himself to David in covenantal commitment. Saul used David to achieve military success and popular approval; Jonathan divested himself of his regalia—robe, tunic, sword, bow, and belt—and gifted it to David.

To live life without the deep bond of trusted and close friends is a lonely and sorrowful prospect. One cannot be friends with everyone, at least at the depth depicted here between Jonathan and David. Nevertheless, the portrait of close friendship depicted in the relationship between Jonathan and David is an ideal to desire. We can often treat others like Saul, instrumentalizing them for our own profit and advantage. Instead, we should strive to imitate Jonathan’s genuine and sincere relationship with David. Jonathan teaches us that friendship is something we can initiate. Rather than waiting for friends to come his way, Jonathan expressed his genuine concern for David with covenantal commitment, deep love, self-effacing humility, and self-giving generosity. Importantly, the bond between David and Jonathan differed from the husband-wife relationship David would later enjoy with his wife Michal (cf. 18:17–30). While the intimacy of a husband-wife relationship is experienced in the context of a covenantal relationship, the deep bond of friendship enjoys a different (non-sexual) closeness in which humans commit themselves to each other in the mutual bond of brotherly and sisterly affection.

Spiritual Friendship as a Brotherhood and Sisterhood. Deep friendship is akin to loving brotherhood and sisterhood. Later in the story, Jonathan and David became brothers-in-law through David’s marriage to Saul’s daughter, Michal (cf. 18:17–30). Narratively, what began as a friendship across family lines eventually developed into a familial relationship. The literary development of this relationship is a fitting depiction of how spiritual friendship evolves: from deep initial bonds to eventual fraternal concord. The bond of brotherhood and sisterhood is a fitting way to characterize the committed and caring relationship between loving friends. Although not everyone has a meaningful relationship with their siblings, a healthy relationship between brothers and sisters is a fraternal and collegial bond of an unbreakable alliance. How Jonathan felt toward David is how the best of siblings feel toward each other. True friends of the brotherly and sisterly kind have their souls knit together (18:1), love the other as their own soul (18:1, 3), enjoy a committed relationship with the surety of a covenant (18:3), and show honor to the other in selfless humility (18:4). Brotherly and sisterly relationships built on these foundations enjoy a connection that can weather challenges, conflicts, and tragedies. Such relationships also guard themselves from the sinister and deadly influences that can bring a relationship to ruin.

A Continual Enemy: Acknowledging the Deadly Foes of Close Relationships

Biblical Narrative (1 Samuel 18:6–30)

The deep and growing friendship between Jonathan and David was in stark contrast to the toxic and deteriorating connection between Saul and David. When David returned from killing Goliath, women came out to meet King Saul with joyful singing, music, and dancing (18:6). To Saul’s despair, their celebration magnified David and minimized Saul: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands” (18:7). This laudatory tune made Saul angry. In response, the king of Israel “was furious and resented this song” (18:8). This exuberant praise of David threatened Saul and pricked his growing insecurity (18:8). As a result, Saul became resentful and envious of David: “From that day forward Saul kept a jealous eye on David” (18:9). On the next day, when a spirit came upon Saul and caused him to have a wild fit of rage, the king tried to kill David with his spear (18:10–11). Consumed by jealousy, Saul attempted two times “to pin David to the wall,” but “David eluded him twice” (18:11). Although David escaped these murderous attempts, Saul’s animosity toward David continued to grow.

Exposing his shallow character, deep insecurity, and fragile sense of identity, Saul’s anger and jealousy turned into fear. Due to Saul’s earlier disobedience, God had rejected Saul as king (cf. 15:1–35). As a result, “the Lord was with David but had departed from Saul” (18:12). Saul grew “afraid of David” (18:12; cf. 18:15, 29). His insecurity and jealousy were only compounded by his emerging fear. To deal with his unraveling security, cankerous jealousy, and heightened disquiet, Saul “sent David away and gave him command of a thousand men” (18:13). Saul wanted David close enough to aid his military campaigns but far enough to calm his inner turmoil. Because God was with David (18:12), this faithful servant of the Lord had success in all his endeavors (18:15) and enjoyed the loving loyalty of the people (18:16). In contrast, “Saul saw that David was very successful” and “he was afraid of him” (18:15).

In what he thought was a stretegic move that would favor him and rid him of the object of his envy, Saul offered David his eldest daughter, Merab, in marriage if he continued to fight Israel’s battles (18:17). This marriage would potentially accomplish two purposes for Saul: secure more military success and put David in harm’s way (18:17). David accepted Saul’s request with humility (18:18). But when it came time for David to marry Merab, she was given away in marriage to Adriel the Meholathite instead of David (18:19). Saul had reneged on his deal with David. Around this time, Saul learned that another one of his daughters named Michal loved David (18:20). Saul considered what may result by giving Michal to David in marriage:—“she may be a snare to him, and the hand of the Philistines may be against him” (18:21)—and proposed to David a second chance to become his son-in-law (18:21). Saul had his servants speak to David privately about the matter (18:22–24), but David humbly responded (again) that he was unworthy to become a son-in-law to the king (18:23; cf. 18:18). Saul’s price for the union to take place was that David had to bring Saul one hundred Philistine foreskins (18:25). This was another scheme to put David in harm’s way: “Saul intended to cause David’s death at the hands of the Philistines” (18:25). Before wedding, David and his men killed two hundred Philistines and gave double the requested foreskins to Saul (18:26–27). Saul gave Michal to be David’s wife (18:27). When Saul realized that God was with David and Michal loved David (18:28), Saul “grew even more afraid of David” (18:29). This fear multiplied Saul’s hostility to David such that “from then on Saul was David’s enemy” (18:29). Nevertheless, despite having Israel’s king as his adversary, David continued to have success whenever he went out for battle (18:30). His military victories were so great that “David was more successful than all of Saul’s officers” and the result was that “his name was highly esteemed” (18:30).

Biblical Principles

Example of an Anti-Friend. After hearing about Jonathan’s deep and loving care for David, we learn about Saul’s hostility and opposition to David. While Jonathan is an exemplar of a godly friend, Saul is an antithetical foil of friendship and genuine care. In this unfolding biblical narrative, Saul devolved from military commander (18:5) and Israelite king (17:56) to David’s enemy (18:29). He initially wanted David in his service (18:2, 5; cf. 16:14–23), but later pushed David away from him into the battlefield (18:13–14, 17, 30). Saul’s campaign against the Philistines (18:5) decomposed into a preoccupation to harm (and kill) David (18:9, 11, 13–14, 17, 21, 25–27). By the end of this scene, Saul was using the enemy Philistines like an unspoken ally to kill a fellow Israelite who had faithfully committed himself to his service. Saul’s growing hatred of David was an all-consuming passion that corrupted true zeal for “the Lord’s battles” (18:17). So obsessive was Israel’s king about destroying his competition that he even used his own daughters as instruments to put David in harm’s way (18:17–29). Sadly, Saul’s hatred for David caused him to mistreat others in his own family. In this narrative, Saul is a paradigmatic anti-friend. He is a caution to us about the kinds of associations and companions we make. He is also a warning against the passions, vices, and emotions that poison relationships.

Passions That Kill Relationships. Throughout this section, Saul’s treatment of David is the opposite of what a true friend’s should be. Saul’s inner spirit toward David was filled with anger (18:8), displeasure (18:8), insecurity (18:8), jealousy (18:9), raving (18:10), and fear (18:12, 15, 29). Acting on these emotions, Saul violently tried to kill David (18:11), removed David from his presence (18:13), put David in harm’s way (18:17, 25), duplicitously arranged a wife for him in bad faith (18:19), sought to ensnare David (18:21), privately flattered him (18:21–23), and viewed David as his perpetual enemy (18:29). The rotting heart of Saul had grown to revile with venomous hatred a godly man who had favor with God and people. Saul’s inner passions were the deadly plague on his relationship with God. In actuality, David was a benefit to Saul’s kingdom and God’s purposes. David’s military successes represented God’s favor upon him and the nation. But Saul’s insecurities and fears had blinded him to the advantage that David was to him and to the nation. Instead, David’s success was a threat to Saul’s identity and worth. Saul’s rotten emotions, spoiled attitude, and flagrant sin made a God-appointed servant into one of his greatest enemies.

Friendship and Faithfulness to God. Saul’s negative example is a warning for us. He shows how ungodly emotions and unchecked insecurities can ruin interpersonal relationships. At the core of Saul’s multifaceted insecurities was the fact that he was outside of a relationship with God. While Saul feigned support of “the Lord’s battles” (18:17), he did not enjoy a walk with God (18:12). His rejection of the Lord had already led to his being rejected by the Lord (cf. 15:1–35). Separation from God disables godly friendship. Spiritual exile and faith immaturity injure relationship capacity. Personal insecurity makes us prone to anger, jealousy, rage, and fear. These wayward passions can, like Saul, cause us to objectify people and either turn them into instruments or treat them like competitors. Seeking personal advantage by instrumentalizing others, we use people to our benefit, exploit them for our purposes, manipulate them to get our way, or deceive them to protect our own image. No solid friendship can be built upon selfishness, envy, fear, or insecurity. If these passions reign, superficial friends will eventually become despised enemies.

As much as Saul’s treachery can warn us against relational immaturity and unhealth, his example can instruct in the dynamics of godly friendship. Essentially, godly friendship is a matter of faith maturity. In contrast to Saul’s envious spirit, loving friendship relishes the success of the other. Rather than building a relationship upon the shoddy foundations of contentious competition and rivalrous comparison, godly friends cherish the other’s success. Christian friends honor others as more important than themselves. They rejoice when their friends rejoice and weep when their friends weep (cf. Romans 12:15). Spiritual friendship refuses to live out of insecurity and fear. With an identity and eternity firmly rooted in a healthy relationship with God, Christian friends can care for each other with mutual concern, but do not depend upon each other as indispensable. When zeal for the Lord is the primary concern in each person’s heart, there is freedom to express and experience friendship in a vulnerable and transparent manner. In contrast to Saul, those who are secure in the Lord have no need to promote a manicured self-image or prop up a manufactured reputation. Rather than putting another in harm’s way, we seek to defend and protect our truest friends. Christian companionship is selfless and sacrificial, not manipulative and scheming. Dispensing of passive-aggressiveness and underhandedness, godly friends are humble, meek, and forgiving. Godly friendship is the opposite of Saul’s duplicitous treachery. It is a risk-taking loyalty to be a watchman and a keeper for another.

On Your Guard: Treasuring the Faithful Loyalty of True Companionship

Biblical Narrative (1 Samuel 19:1–24)

Saul continued to look for ways to harm David. He enlisted others into his diabolical agenda: “Saul ordered his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill David” (19:1). Saul’s son, Jonathan, did not comply with this insidious imperative. Instead, Jonathan “delighted greatly in David” (19:1) and came to David’s defense. Their bond of covenant friendship exceeded the bond of blood. Jonathan “warned David” (19:2). He told David about Saul’s malicious intent, urged him to be watchful, instructed him to hide, and promised to inform him of what Saul said about him (19:2–3). Taking the role of an advocate, Jonathan “spoke well of David to his father Saul” (19:4). Jonathan told his father that David was innocent, beneficial, sacrificial, and successful against Israel’s enemies (19:4–5). Saul heard what Jonathan said on David’s account, and Saul made a promise that he would not kill David (19:6). After hearing his father’s oath, Jonathan told David of it and had him come back into Saul’s presence (19:7).

Eventually, war broke out again, and David fought against the Philistines. David secured a decisive and noteworthy victory: he “struck them with such a mighty blow that they fled before him” (19:8). Yet, Saul continued to be menaced by “a spirit of distress” (19:9; cf. 16:14–23). While David played his harp to bring Saul relief from this tormenting spirit (19:9), Saul once again “tried to pin him to the wall with his spear” (19:10). The spear hit the wall, and David escaped that evening (19:10). Undeterred, Saul sent some messengers to David’s house to kill him (19:11). David’s wife, Michal, warned him of this attack (19:11) and helped him escape through a window (19:12). Michal also put an idol in the bed and disguised it with hair and clothes so it would look like David was in bed (19:13). When Saul’s messengers arrived, Michal said that David was sick (19:14). When Saul’s messengers went in to kill David, they soon discovered that David was not in bed, and that it was only an idol with goat hair (19:15–16). Saul eventually deduced that Michal—his own daughter—had helped David escape (19:17). Saul was upset that Michal had deceived him and sided with his “enemy” (19:17).

When David came to Ramah, the place the prophet Samuel was staying, David told Samuel all that Saul had done (19:18). David and Samuel went to live in Naioth, in Ramah (19:19), and Saul again sent messengers to pursue David (19:20). When the messengers saw Samuel and the company of prophets, God’s Spirit came upon the messengers and they prophesied (19:20). Saul sent messengers two more times, and the same thing happened (19:21). Eventually, Saul went to Ramah himself (19:22). When he arrived in Naioth, God’s Spirit came upon him and he also prophesied, taking off his clothes and laying naked all day and night (19:23–24). After Jonathan, Michal, and Samuel had come to David’s aid, now God himself had provided sovereign protection for David against his enemies.

Biblical Principles

Loyalty, Advocacy, and Faithfulness. Jonathan’s continued display of true friendship to David is in tragic contrast to Saul’s relational and emotional toxicity. In this scene, we see many demonstrate loyalty to David: Jonathan, Michal, Samuel, and God. Jonathan’s loyalty to David was based on the fact that he “delighted greatly in David” (19:1). From this heart of brotherly affection for his friend, Jonathan exhibited his friendship to David by warning him about Saul’s murderous intent (19:2), speaking to his father as David’s advocate (19:3), speaking well of David before Saul (19:4), affirming David’s innocence and value (19:4–5), and staying in ongoing communication with David about Saul’s intentions (19:3, 7). In this way, Jonathan displayed joy, advocacy, honor, honesty, and open communication with David. These virtues and values are core ingredients of every godly friendship. Michal also acted with loyalty to David (19:11–17). She loved David (18:20) and acted in her husband’s favor. She put herself at risk by helping David escape her father’s violent intent. Samuel provided a safe haven for David that showed his loyalty toward David (19:18–19). In the end, God himself offered David divine protection by preventing Saul’s messengers and Saul himself from reaching David (19:19–24). These four acts of loyalty are in contrast to Saul’s oath of feigned loyalty: “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be put to death” (19:6). Godly friendship thrives in a context of risk-taking, sacrificial, and selfless loyalty toward another.

Integrity, Honesty, and Boldness. The misguided kind of loyalty that will defend an evil person as if they were righteous is nothing more than blind zeal and reckless advocacy. To be defensive against legitimate rebuke is not the same as coming to the defense of an upright person. Although Michal’s defense of David involved deception (19:13–17), Jonathan’s loyalty to David was infused with integrity. Jonathan defended David with character, conviction, and moral bearing. Jonathan did not speak flatteringly of David—in contrast to Saul’s attempt to flatter David (cf. 18:21–26)—but he spoke the truth about David (19:4–5). Because David was innocent of sin before Saul and victorious in the Lord’s battles, Jonathan could defend David’s integrity and value in good conscience. Jonathan also defended David with honesty. He talked to his father plainly (19:3) and openly communicated with David (19:7). Jonathan did not attempt to bend the truth or misrepresent reality. Jonathan also defended David’s integrity with boldness. He risked his own life when he courageously and candidly confronted his father (19:5; cf. 20:30–34).

To be David’s defense, advocate, and support required integrity, honesty, and boldness. Godly character comes to the defense of godly integrity. Godly character confronts ungodly compromise. This kind of friendship can only come from God’s strength and protection. God’s promised loyalty to the faithful frees them to be faithful to their friends with integrity, honesty, and courage. To be sure, many come to the defense of their friends when they do not deserve it. False testimony about a friend’s innocence (when they are guilty) is nothing more than self-interest veiled behind a veneer of superficial relationship. True friends do not rationalize their friend’s guilt, they do not overlook their friend’s sin, nor do they cover for their friend’s wrongdoing. This kind of blind defense is no true support. Instead, true friends have the godly courage to confront sin as much as the bold conviction to defend a friend’s integrity and honor. What makes a friend’s loyalty righteous is the firm foundation of a relationship with the Lord.

In the Name of the Lord: Forging the Sure Substance of Covenant Commitment

Biblical Narrative (1 Samuel 20:1–42)

Eventually, David left Naioth and met with Jonathan (20:1). David lamented to Jonathan that Saul was trying to kill him even though he was innocent of wrongdoing (20:1). Jonathan reassured David that he would not die (20:2). Jonathan told David that his father, Saul, confided in him all the details of his plans (20:2). David explained to Jonathan his fear that Saul’s knowledge of their close relationship might cause Saul to hide his plans from Jonathan (20:3). David was concerned that “there is but a step between me and death” (20:3). Serving as David’s confidant and help, Jonathan told David, “Whatever you desire, I will do for you” (20:4).

David told Jonathan his plan. Rather than dining with Saul, David would go into hiding (20:5). After three days (20:5), if Saul missed David, Jonathan would tell his father that he left for Bethlehem to offer a sacrifice (20:6). In saying this, they would know whether Saul was seeking to harm David or not (20:7). Saul’s reaction would reveal his intent. In this plan, David appealed to and depended upon the deep relationship he had with Jonathan, asking him to “deal faithfully with your servant, for you have brought me into a covenant with you before the Lord” (20:8). Appealing to the depth and honesty of their relationship, David told Jonathan to kill him if he was indeed guilty (20:8). Jonathan reaffirmed his loyalty to David and said that he would not keep from David any news that would lead to his harm (20:9).

After affirming their allegiance to one another, David asked how he would know the news of whether Saul was seeking to harm him or not (20:10). They went to a field (20:11), and Jonathan reaffirmed his commitment to David with God as his witness (20:12). After learning about his father’s intent, Jonathan would alert David whether Saul planned for him good or harm (20:12–13). Confident in God’s favor on David, Jonathan asked that God would be with David: “May the Lord be with you” (20:13). Jonathan asked David to show him continued kindness when God destroyed all of David’s enemies (20:14–15). At that time, “Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David” and asked that God “hold David’s enemies accountable” (20:16). In addition, “Jonathan had David reaffirm his vow out of love for him, for Jonathan loved David as he loved himself” (20:17). God galvanized the affection and allegiance in their relationship.

Having reestablished their covenant commitment to each other, they reviewed the plan to protect David. David was to go into hiding and, after three days, go to the heap of stones (20:18–19). At that time, Jonathan would shoot three arrows and send his servant boy to get them (20:20–21). If Jonathan told the boy that the arrows were on the side of him, this would be a sign that David could return because there was no danger (20:21). If he told the boy to look for the arrows further beyond, this would be a sign that David should go away because there was danger (20:22). In this matter, Jonathan asserted his loyalty to David in that “the Lord is a witness between you and me forever” (20:23).

David hid himself and was absent from the meal (20:24–25). When two days of David’s absence passed, Saul asked where David was (20:26–27). As planned, Jonathan told Saul that David went to Bethlehem to offer a sacrifice (20:28–29). At this word, Saul grew angry against Jonathan and cursed him dishonorably (20:30). Saul told Jonathan to bring David back so that he could kill him (20:31). When Jonathan asked Saul what David did to deserve death (20:32), Saul threw his spear at Jonathan (20:33). In this way, “Jonathan knew that his father was determined to kill David” (20:33). Jonathan grew angry and refrained from eating that day because “he was grieved by his father’s shameful treatment of David” (20:34). In a display of unalloyed friendship, Jonathan was so utterly concerned with the well-being of his friend David that his anger stemmed from the disgrace and harm that David faced, not the personal shame and individual danger he experienced.

The next morning, Jonathan went to the field where David and Jonathan planned to meet (20:35). Jonathan shot his arrow and told the servant boy that the arrow was beyond him (20:36–37) and told him to gather the arrows quickly (20:38). The servant boy was unaware of these signs known only to David and Jonathan (20:39). Jonathan gave the boy his weapons and told him to return to the city (20:40). After the boy left, David came out from beyond the stone heap and bowed down with his face to the ground three times (20:41). In an expression of brotherly love and affection, “kissed each other and wept together” (20:41). In this exchange of affection and sorrow, “David wept more” (20:41). Jonathan told David to “go in peace” (20:42). Having shown his friend true loyalty, Jonathan affirmed that they had sworn before the Lord that “the Lord be a witness between you and me, and between your descendants and mine forever” (20:42). After this, David left and Jonathan returned to the city (20:42).

Biblical Principles

Intimacy, Confidentiality, and Candidness. In this story, Jonathan and David reaffirmed their commitment to each other. Their relationship was one of trusted confidants that shared private concerns (20:1), loving counselors that spoke to each other honestly (20:3), and faithful companions that offered willing support in the time of need (20:4). Like Jonathan and David, close relationships develop when shared experiences and confidential knowledge are guarded with confidence and appropriate privacy (cf. 20:39). Friends do not keep secrets that end up causing harm, but they do steward sensitive and delicate information with wisdom and prudence. Friends are genuinely concerned about the safety and well-being of their companion (20:13, 21). In this way, godly friendship also provides a safe context for frank and honest speech. David asked Jonathan to comment on his character (20:1) and respond appropriately if he was guilty (20:8). True friends are willing to accept loving rebuke, correction, and admonishment. To have another’s best interest in mind is to speak openly and candidly about sin and righteousness. Jonathan made himself available to David: “Whatever you desire, I will do for you” (20:4). Clearly, this was not an invitation to do anything for David, but any God-approved means that would support his already-proven faithfulness to God. So important and delicate is this aspect of Christian companionship that the close and intimate nature of spiritual friendship is hemmed in by God’s presence and power.

God’s Presence in Christian Relationships. Prioritized relationship with God is what made the relationship between David and Jonathan enduring and meaningful. At the beginning of this scene, Jonathan and David tried to discern how true and unfailing their loyalty is (20:1–11). This final chapter concludes that God alone can make Christian friendship possible. Affirmations of God’s presence in the relationship between David and Jonathan are sprinkled throughout the chapter. Their relationship was “a covenant … before the Lord” (20:8). At a time when their friendship was tested to the limits, they (re)established their friendship with “the Lord, the God of Israel” (20:12) as their witness. Although they wisely conceived a plan that would protect David from Saul, they relied upon God for his favor, presence, and protection: “May the Lord be with you” (20:13). Earnestly, they wanted to follow God’s will and leading (20:22). Recognizing that they were prone to sin and disobedience, they invoked God as sovereign accountability: “May the Lord punish me, and ever so severely, if I do not tell you and send you on your way in safety” (20:13). Their oath were reaffirmed as an expression of commitment for friends who love each other as one’s own soul (20:17). But loyalty in their relationship would be an expression and extension of “the Lord’s loving devotion” (20:14). Their friendship and commitment was in effect “as surely as the Lord lives” (20:21; cf. 20:3) and they had placed vengeance in God’s hands (20:15–16). Like Jonathan and David, the best relationships are established under God’s care, such that “the Lord is a witness between you and me forever” (20:23; cf. 20:42). In short, Jonathan and David had forged their covenantal friendship “in the name of the Lord” (20:42).

When a relationship with God is at the foundation of human relationships, true friends are willing to put themselves in harm’s way for the benefit of their friend (20:32–33). Not primarily concerned about his own life and well-being, Jonathan was enraged at how his father’s attack on his life represented a danger and disgrace to David (20:34). Jonathan minimized his concern for his own personal welfare, considering the dishonor and endangerment of his friend to be more significant. He did not try to defend his own honor. Due to his love and commitment to David, Jonathan made himself a target of Saul’s violent words and actions. Jonathan was embarrassed, shamed, cursed, demeaned, threatened, and attacked by his own father because of his greater concern for David’s safety and vindication. The love of God infused into friendship transfigures the relationship into an experience of risk-taking and selfless sacrifice. God at the center of Christian friendship allows companionship to be close and courageous, intimate and altruistic, and transparent and self-giving. Jesus taught this similar principle when he said that a display of true love involves one laying down his life for his friend (cf. John 15:13).

Enduring Friendships, Faith Formation, and Christian Ministry. Christian friendship rooted in God’s presence is enduring. Even though Jonathan and David bid each other farewell (20:41–42), the strength of their relationship could be sustained over distance and time. With God “between” them (20:42), no earthly barrier, geographical distance, or human predicament could disrupt their deep bond of friendship. This has already been demonstrated in the narrative. Jonathan remained faithful to David while David was in hiding (20:24–34). Godly friendships endure by the hope-filled way they can bless future generations. In response to his loyalty to David, Jonathan asked David—who would eventually become Israel’s promised king—to extend favor and protection to him and his descendants (20:14–16, 42). The friendship of Jonathan and David had a continued impact on the generations to come. We, too, can build relationships to nurture us on our journey of faith while we also lay foundations for later generations. Not only does a godly friendship provide an example for others to follow, but it can also extend its impact beyond the present. The degree to which we faithfully steward our relationships—especially our friendships—in the present can leave a faith legacy for others. In this way, we see that godly friendships are vital to faith formation, Christian maturity, and ministry impact. We can (and should) minister out of genuine friendship with others. Not only should we seek godly companions, but we should also extend ourselves (like Jonathan) as a loyal friend to others, even if they are not quite ready to receive it.

Conclusion

Jonathan and David enjoyed a deep bond of genuine affection, faithful devotion, and selfless honor. On the one hand, Saul exhibited unhealthy and destructive tendencies that ruined relationships. On the other hand, Jonathan showed astonishing dedication to his friend by being his fierce advocate despite his raving father. Michal, Samuel, and ultimately God also provided this supportive defense of David. As David and Jonathan sought to discern Saul’s true intentions toward David, Jonathan selflessly and sacrificially put himself in danger to seek the welfare of David. Although the two friends had to part ways, the fact that their relationship was built upon the Lord meant they enjoyed intimacy, confidence, and candidness. Additionally, their God-based covenantal friendship allowed their friendship to endure across distance and make an impact on future generations. An inspiring picture of faithful companions in the journey of faith, the narrative of Jonathan and David offers much in our pursuit of godly relationships.

Trusted friendship is one of God’s gracious gifts to his people. As we think of the various relationships God allows us to enjoy—such as marriage, parenting, mentoring, vocational and civic relationships, and relationships within the faith community—godly friendships should rank high as important relationships to invest in. Although true friendship requires effort, sacrifice, and commitment, it is a worthwhile endeavor. Christian friendship is important for our own faith formation, and it is a distinct mode of Christian ministry. As modeled by Jonathan and David, such a relationship can sustain us in times of hardship, protect us in times of danger, encourage us in times of loneliness, and challenge us to grow in our trust of God. We do well for the community of faith and God’s mission in the world as we not only seek to find such relationships but also seek to be the kind of friend that allows such a relationship to flourish.

Session Synopsis

SESSION 4 SYNOPSIS
Christian Friendship	In this passage, we learn about the nature of Christian friendship. After David’s defeat of Goliath, Jonathan and David formed a loving, mutual, and covenantal friendship. In contrast to the relationship between Jonathan and David, Saul violently related to David out of insecurity, fear, and jealousy. He repeatedly tried to kill David. Jonathan, Michal, Samuel, and God came to David’s defense in displays of loyalty and faithfulness. As Saul’s murderous pursuit of David intensified, Jonathan and David reaffirmed their covenant commitment to each other. David and Jonathan eventually had to part ways, but not before Jonathan risked his own life for his friend. These spiritual companions—souls knit together—secured their friendship in the Lord. Through negative and positive examples, this narrative highlights the importance and character of Christian friendship. A summary of this story’s principles is outlined below.
Basics of Christian Friendship	Christian friendship is based upon genuine love (18:1, 3), delight (19:1), and affection (20:41). True friends have their souls knit together (18:1) in covenantal commitment (18:3), selfless concern (18:4), and loyalty (19:3–5, 11–18; 20:30–34). Godly friends are willing to put themselves in harm’s way for the other(19:4–6, 11–18; 20:30–34) and consider another as more important than themselves (20:32, 34).
Genuine Friendship Like a Brotherhood or Sisterhood	Jonathan and David eventually became brothers in Saul’s family (18:18, 21–23, 26–27). Their covenant commitment of friendship was strengthened as they became brothers in the same family (through marriage to Michal). This literary change highlights a spiritual dynamic that Christian friendship is like a brotherhood and sisterhood.
Passions That Poison Relationships	Saul is the antithesis of a godly friend. He instrumentalized and objectified others for his own personal gain (18:2, 5, 27–29). His passions destroyed relationships around him—anger (18:8), displeasure (18:8), insecurity (18:8), jealousy (18:9), raving (18:10), and fear (18:12, 15, 29). David began as a faithful servant to Saul (18:2, 5; cf. 16:14–23), but later became Saul’s enemy (18:29; 19:17). David was personally helpful to Saul (18:10; 19:9) but Saul’s unhealthy passions caused him to push David away (18:13–14, 17, 30) and plot against his life (18:9, 11, 13–14, 17, 21, 25–27).
God at the Center of Relationships	Genuine friendships are built with God at the center (18:12, 14, 28; 19:6, 19–24; 20:3, 8, 12–16, 17, 21–23, 42; cf. 15:1–35; 18:17). The presence of God at the center of a relationship enables it to endure distance and impact future generations (20:41–2). Godly friends place vengeance and judgment in God’s hands (20:15–16).
Enduring and Impactful	Such relationships are strengthened by truth-speaking (19:3–5), integrity of character (19:4; 20:1, 8), boldness (19:4–5, 13–17), open communication (19:3, 7), trust (20:1–9), encouragement (20:2), transparency (20:3, 9, 12–13), and selfless care (20:4). Genuine friends do not flatter or lie to each other (18:17, 21–26; 19:6). Difficult times test the sincerity of a relationship (20:1–11). Christian friendship is a means of faith maturity and a mode of Christian ministry.

Personal Reflection: Entering the Story

Apply the Text: The word of God is binding and authoritative, the only reliable guide for faith and godliness. True disciples submit themselves to God’s word. In this movement, you will apply God’s word to your lives.

Reflection Questions

Encourage one person to share a testimony about how this story has impacted them so far. Use the reflection questions to examine your life in light of this biblical passage.

Spiritual Practice

Letter to a Friend

Consider the example of Jonathan and David and what they teach us about true friendship. We can express our friendship in words and actions. Take time to write a letter to a friend and encourage them with how much the relationship you enjoy with them matters. Consider developing habits of regular correspondence to cultivate this relationship in an ongoing way.

Ministry Practice: Rehearsing the Script

Minister the Text: God’s word is living and active. Through God’s word, the Christian community is edified. In this movement, you will utilize the biblical passage to minister to other believers and build them up in their faith.

Application Questions

Look at the infographic below. Use the questions to think about how to minister this text to other believers.

Missional Outreach: Publicizing the Truth

Witness the Text: The Bible is a message of God’s gracious salvation to the world. In word and deed, God’s people proclaim the good news of the gospel. In this movement, you will use this biblical passage to reach out to unbelievers.

Strategy Questions

Reflect on the infographic below. Consider how you can use this passage to witness to the surrounding world. Use the suggested ideas to prime your imagination. Then, put together a plan to share this passage with unbelievers, Afterward, reflect on this mission experience.